¶ Åhh, skat ¶
¶ Jeg elsker dig om, Morgnen ¶
¶ Jeg elsker dig om aftnen ¶
Chuck. Du ved jeg elsker dig.
Self, Betty Jeg elsker også dig.
og jeg har bedt dig om at vente i lang tid.
Yeah, Meeget land tid.
Men,iAften, skal det ske.
Hvad mener du ??
Chuck...
Iaften er aftnen Jeg ville give mig selv til dig.
jeg er klar til at tage tingene til det næste nivuae
Er du sikker? Gør vi det ?!
All right.
¶ Whoa, darlin' ¶
¶ Hvad end jeg skal gøre ¶
¶ Oh, pretty baby ¶
¶ How I'm in love with you ¶
Det var herre fedt.
Yeah.
Men...
Nu da min jomfrue´hed er bag os,
Så tror jeg at jeg er klar til det næste nivuea.
Hvad mener du? Havde vi ikke lige gjort det?
Kom nu, Chuck, Ik´vær bange.
Du ved hvad jeg mener.
Anal
Seriøst?!
Yeah I love you, Chuck, og jeg ved du elsker mig.
Og det er derfor jeg jeg ville have du stikker den op i røven.
¶ Giddy up, horsey ¶
¶ Come on, let go ¶
Yeah
¶ Who's riding your pony? ¶
¶ Horny pony ¶
Oh, yeah
¶ They've seldom seen of your contemptuous greed ¶
Wow
I know.
That fucking ruled!
Men.
Men hvad?
Jaee ..
Det er bare, Nu hvor Anal sex´en er bag os.
Jeg tror jeg er klar til det næste nivuea.
Hvilke andre nivuea er der?!
Get an extension cord
Næste Nivuea!
Hvem er de!?
næste nivuea!
øhh!
næste nivuea!
Næste Nivuea!
ikke flere nivuea´er!
Jeg vender straks tilbage
Måske pressede jeg ham for hårdt ?!
¶ Sex me up and I'll sex you down ¶
¶ Whatever you want is my command ¶
¶ I'm into S and M, I lead the butcher farm ¶
¶ And now don't you understand, I'm into any ma'am ¶
¶ Sex me up and I'll sex you down ¶
¶ I get on the floor, I'll turn around ¶
¶ Get on my hands and knees, on your command I'll freeze ¶
¶ I hope this never cease, come get me, won't you please ¶
¶ But she won't hold me and she won't squeeze me ¶
¶ From what she told me, she'd never please me ¶
¶ But she won't hold me and she won't squeeze me ¶
¶ From what she told me, she'd only tease me ¶
¶ She said ¶
¶ I said ¶
¶ Sex me up and I'll sex you down ¶
Husk, Studenter, det er den sexualle måned
Gentlemen, Hent jeres gratisse kondommer over i gynmastiksalen,
- og tøs´er, lubricant er tilgængelig... - jeg fik scoret sidste aften
- Samme tøs som aftnen før? - Er du skør?
Jeg kan ikke have den samme tøs komme to aftner i træk.
Det er at ligge op til et forhold jeg kan godt lide at vise mig rundt.
Se. Det er lige præcis hvad jeg ikke forstår, Hvordan gør han!??
Han går bare ud og får det gjort.man,
that's how he does it
Du kan ikke bare vente til at julemanden¨ kommer med noget lækkert røv til dig
Under træet
Dude, hvor spændt er du for første time?!
- Mr. Matthews' sexede Skole-time - Man, den mand er en total freak
Kan ikke vente til at gå derind og prale af alt det fisse jeg har fået
Det bliver så fedt, bro
Helt sikkert, bro
Jeg kan ikke tage det.
hvorfor ik´?
Hvorfor ik´? Hørte du ikke lige dem samtale?
" -hvor meget fisse de lige havde fået?" - Yeah, bro
Lige præcis. det bliver en klasse med en bunke perverse folk.
folk som er åben omkring deres sexliv, og jeg har virkelig ikke nogen.
Nu hvor det er sagt. Du ser ik´for dårlig ud og dine ben virker.
og Jeg skal ikke bare have sex med hvem som helst.
Jeg ved det, er lige hvad du tænkte
Sorry, Det sker ikke
Det behøver ikke at være hvem som helst Se. Se, Se
hvad med at starte men en lille lækker fræk sag som jomfrue Betty?!
Hey, Betty
Okay, Allesammen. bring it on in,
Vi har en masse som skal gøres. og meget lidt tid til at gøre det i.
Jeg kan mærke de sexede vibrationer herinde allerede
- Åhh, Nej Stacy er også meldt sig til. - Hvad fanden mener du med "åhh nej"?
Du har da prøvet at scoere hende siden femte klasse!?
Her har du muligheden til det. Du har hende i klassen nu.
Gå over og tal til hende.
- Hvad skal jeg sige? - Lyt, Det er det tøs´erne ville have
Du skal bare være dig selv. Så gør det.. være dig selv
Eller bare slå hende i ansigtet med din pik Du ved, Hvad der ellers føles rigtig.
- Hello - Hello
Hey, Stacy
Ser ud til vi skal have sex sammen.
HVAD!?
Ed S... klasse Sexual undervisning sammen
Øhm undskyld. jeg er .. du ved Whoo!
Farvel
Yeah... vi snakkes..
Mit navn er Mr. Matthews
Som det første. Der er ingen lære herinde...
bare en bunke af folk som udforsker deres sexuale tanker.
Såå? Når i først er trædt ind den dør,
Så træder i ind i en "No bullshit Zone "
Du hørte rigtigt, sagde bullshit
Huh? We're keepin' it real in here, people
Prut, fuck, Lort, Pik, Røv, Lede kælling!
All rightie
Now, listen up Teen sexuality is a living, breathing thing,
og vi skal udforske det koncept fra alle angler af
Så vi kan få vores beskidte hænder omkring
Og vi skal dele vores tanker Jeg ville dele ud omkring mine tanker
Hell, Jeg har haft sex med en Koi Fisk
Sådan, Nu har jeg sagt det.
Nogen gange ville du finde mig nøgen, i bunden af vores Fun-Ball Pool.
Hos jeres lokale Kina Grill.
sand Historie
Okay, SKal vi ikke prøve en lille Rollespil prøvelse i klassen
Jeg ville have at hver og en
skal bestemme om i skal have sex med en bestemt
for første gang.
Okay, Find en partner folk
Stacy mangler en partner Seize the day, bro
arh, af helvdes til med dagen Seize the booty
Det er et godt par lige der. Det så jeg allerede da jeg kom ind.
- Mr. Matthews? - ja ?
jeg tror ikke der er flere tøs´er tilbage
Mike, Menneskelig sexualle midler er ikke altid mellem en kvinde og mand
Rejs dig op, Doug
Klasse. Jeg ville gerne præsentere jer for klassen bøsse par
Mike and Doug
Sååh, bare fordi de skal experimenter med
man-on-man lovemaking and assorted humbuggery,
Behandl dem ikke anderledes.
Mike, jeg tror du ligger nederst.
Okay
Jeg ville være Hjemme-faderen
Hvad?
Mark
Matt, Har du nogle gode råd omkring sex for unge?!
Råd .. Øhm..
Gutter, Være ansvarlig.
Du ved, altid ha´en kondom.
Selvom det mærkes Langt bedre uden.
Medmindre hun er en vietmanesisk luder,
så tror jeg bare du skal tage chancen.
Så længe der bare er en nøgen tøs i nærheden i værelset.
Du er ikke bøsse
Hvis du har STD, ¨ Fortæl ikke din partner det.
It is a lose-lose situation
Fellas, vær sød overfor din partner
Om morgnen, Hvis hun har behov for et lift hjem
Så peg hen mod det nærmeste bus-stoppe-sted. før du ligger dig til at sove igen.
Be a good guy
dagens danmark er der 1 ud af 3 unge mennesker
har en smitsom sygedom
And letting a former hook-up know that you've got genital cooties
kan virkelige være hårdt.
Nu er der en nemmere mulighed!
Et STD-E-Kort, Nu kan du vidergive dit dårlige nyhed via. et click
vælg imellem de her forskellige som f.eks
"You gave me your heart, I gave you gonorrhea",
or” Thanks for the blowjob... sorry about the herpes" .
Det er fra Kevin!
Den lækre fyr som du var sammen med i weekenden?
- Yeah - Hvad siger han ?..
"Roses are red, violets are blue,
I gave you syphilis when we screwed at the zoo"
Det var nemt nok
STD-E-CARDS, Hvor dårlige nyheder kommer hurtigt rundt
Opmærksomhed studenter Så er det snart prom night
Get your free STD screening in the nurse's office.
- Hi, Carla - Oh, hey
Hey, listen, um,
Jeg ved det ligesom er sidste øjeblik men, øhm..
Tænkte på om du måske ville gå med mig til Prom night ?..
Øhm.. Jeg er ked af det Justin, En har allerede spurgt mig.
For tre uger siden
Øhm.. Okay .. Det er helt okay
Nårh men, Ha det så længe
Owh, Se lige din pik
Oh! Oh, honey!
Jeg har brugt dem her siden Eisenhower Administration
Kan jeg hjælpe dig?
Huh?
øhh... øh, nej
Oh, honey...
Hun er virkelig køn, er hun ik?
det her kan ikke være rigtigt
Jeg ønskede vi havde mødtes år tilbage
Hele mit High School erfaringer ville have været helt anderledes
¶ Every day, the one thing I can count on ¶
¶ So much love ¶
¶ It's like a river with no end ¶
¶ So much love ¶
¶ The minute it seems to stop, it starts again ¶
¶ So much love ¶
¶ You've given me so much love ¶
¶ Don't you know you've made my dream come true ¶
I've always wanted to see the Grand Canyon, too!
¶ They brought me you, you brought me love ¶
¶ Dreams come true every day with you ¶
¶ So much love ¶
Justin, Jeg har ikke set, så meget til dig her på det sidste
Jeg har haft travlt
Nårh men, Prom var ikke helt det samme uden dig
- Virkelig? - Yeah
Jeg tænkte på om det var muligt vi kunne gå ud sammen?
- Mig & Dig? - Middag?
Måske lørdag aften?
Ligesom jeg troede at aftnen ikke kunne blive værre.
Han brækkede sig ud over min kjole
Det var skrækkeligt
Jeg er sikker på at du stadig ville have set køn ud,
Takker, Men det gjorde jeg ikke
jeg havde bræk ud over mig.
Du er så fantatisk det er du virkelig
Hvad? .. nej det er da latterligt
jeg tager ud og spiller lidt poker med drengene
Ik bekymre dig Jeg er tilbage ved 10 tiden, okay?
Hallo?
Er der nogen?
Hey, du skal ikke være et kælling, fortæl mig nu bare hvem det er
Stop med at Ring !
Endnu et telefon fis opkald
jeg ved hvad du prøver på og det har med at stoppe nu
Lad Carla være
Det er forbi mellem os to
Get used to it!
Hvor var du i morges?
Jeg troede du ville se mig øve
Øhm, det er jeg ked af. glemte det
Nå. Kommer du og ser mig spille fredag aften?
Egentlig, skulle jeg til Len´s fest sammen med Stacy
Ved du godt der er altså en anden som tænker på mig.
Farvel Carla
Justin, hvor skal du hen?
Hvad?
Nej!
Hvorfor!? Hvorfor gjorde du det?
En eller anden ring 1-1-2!
Hvad er det frækkeste du har gjort i sengen?
To af os slikkede cream af på hinanden.
- det var sjovt. Yeah - Det var rimlig frækt
Hvad med dig?
Er ikke helt sikker
- øhm - Kom nu, ik spil genert
- Hvad nu hvis mine forældre ser det? - Come on
Skal det være noget det af det frækkeste som ham og jeg gjort sammen?
Nej. Kunne også være noget du har lavet alene
Well
Der var den her ene gang hvor jeg havde sex med en sort fyr
Imens hans bedste ved tog mig i røven
Og så suttede jeg begge deres pikke på samme tid
Det var rimlig frækt!
- Hvad? Baby? That's great
MR MATTHEWS Bring it on in!
Vi har en masse som skal orden på meget lidt tid
Ville være sikker på at vi kan klemme det hele ind
Det sagde hun også i nat, ha ha ha ! Fyrene ved godt hvad jeg taler om!
Du skal sidde ved siden af Stacy og være hendes makker
Ja mann, ik være skræmt Gør det så.
All right, Vi skal alle sidde i en cirkel
Det er godt nok
Okay
Lad os tale om vores penis´er
Ja folkens, Allesammen
Jeg sagde P-ordet.
Nu, Det mest spurgte spørgsmål: Hvad er normalt?
Nemt svar: Det er der ikke noget der hedder
Penises come in a variety of different shapes and sizes
Huh? All rightie!
As you can tell from the molds cast from actual penises we have here
Har alle forskellige fra hele verdnen over
Nu, den næste kender vi som Fireplug
Den er lille og Hård Meen, nårh du får den op og køre,
kablooey!
Ligesom et savet jagt-gevær kan jeg godt fortælle jer okay, hvad har vi som det næste
Den her hedder Tadpole Hvorfor hedder den Tadpole?
Fordi den har et stort hoved som bliver smaller jo længer du går ned
Vi kalder den her fyr for " The Mushroom cloud " hvis i ønsker det
Yeah, tænkte nok du kunne lide den
Den her er meget intra.
Ser lille ud, Meen i ved hvordan den skal håndteres,
Så kan jeg sige at den er vild i varmen
Det bliver kaldt for en Torpedo i ved hvad jeg mener?
Eller " The Meat Cone "
fordi den har et mindre hoved som bliver større med skaftet
Nice
Få den delt ud knægt, Det er en god en
Jeg kalder den her for "the Roto-Rooter"
Den næste vi har bliver kaldt "The Super Huge"
- That's right - Oh, damn!
We kalder og den her for "The Great American Challenge"
Damer, i Kommer til at elske " The Cervix Stimulation "
Okay, Den er næste er meget intra. Jeg fandt den her på nettet
Dette er Dobbelt-Hovedet Mine damer og herre
Den er derude. tro mig, få den rundt
okay. Alle sammen få dem delt ud
Tjek dem ud både oppe fra og nede fra
NOW freeze!
Okay Gentlemen, Penisen i jeres hånd,
Reprænsentere jeres egen penis
Damer. lig jeres penis
Og makker op med personen til din side
Ser ud til vi har en lille en.
Yeah
Okay, Jeg ville dele nogle kondommer ud til hver gruppe
værs´go allesammen tag en komdom
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
Jeg ville have i skal tage kondommen på jeres mands Penis
okay, Der er en meningn med jeg ville have jer til at tage kondom på sammen
Det er nemlig begges parters ansvarlighed !
bliver nød til at sige undskyld
Mike. Det ser ud til du har lidt plads tilbage
Det er fordi mike du har en meget lille penis
Okay, allesammen lad os tale og Fethishes
Et Fetich er basalt en obsession med læder
Sort læder .. og bid, mund bid
Hvem kan lide en boldt i munden? Hvem som helst?
Oh, baby, you look so good
- ville du gøre det nu baby ? - Hell, yeah, I do
Okay
Nej, vent ved du hvad der kunne være endnu frækker?
hvad?
det her
Ville du have mig til at have en hat på?
Oh, yeah, baby, Det er så frækt baby
- Okay - Yeah. Yeah.
vent, øhm, ved hvad der ellers kunne være virkelig frækt?
Hvad?
Det her Modersmærke
Hvad? Iuv!
Det virkeligt frækt tro mig
For mig?
Fint!
- Kan vi gøre det nu? - Yeah
Ronny... Hvad fanden?
- hvad? - jeg ville ikke have sagt det her
Men du ville helt sikkert have sex med Abraham Lincoln
That´s Crazy!
Er det? Se dig omkring, Ronny
- Du er besat af ham - Han var en god mand
What's wrong with paying tribute?
Paying tribute is one thing...
Men at forsøge at forvandle din kæreste om til ham så du kan blive lider er en anden ting
Jeg skrider Giv mig et kald når du har fået Terapi
Sue...
Det var mit sidste skæg
TV Announcer: Can the transporter be fixed?
Eller er det det hele håbløst for vores heltinder?
Vil ALice og Betty komme hjem?
Find ud af det næste gang i "Lost in Time!"
Time
tilbage til fortiden!
her kommer jeg, Abe!
Damer, i gør det ikke..
Jeg gentager, i skal ikke have sex med en fyr så han kommer til at kunne lide dig
Men det hjælper
Ville du gerne være Jomfrue indtil du er blevet gift?
To ord: Butt sex
Se. Hvis du kan lide at blive kvalt det er okay alle kan lide det, en smule
Bare ikke overdriv
Blå er et advarsels-signal
Hvad er det frækkeste i har gjort en af jer har gjort i sengen?
- Well, um, check it: - Whoo!
Jeg er i en club om aftnen, og jeg møder den her lille hvide frække sag, Ik?
So next you know I get in her ear, man,
Og hun lader mig tage hende tilbage til mit sted,
Og hun gjorde mig og ham på samme tid
- And then she blew us You're kidding
Whoo mAnn! Den tøs var helt ud af den, Mann!
hey, du ved, øhm, shit, hvad jeg sige?
Den lille kvinde havde en stor ol´twelve-pound pussy, man !
- Where'd she get that? - There was a lot of acrobatics
in that motherfucker, you know what I'm sayin?'
Hun var smal, Men hun kunne bare en masse ting, baby
- Hey, Kim, holler at your boy! - Whoo!
The women spend most of their time stretching their breasts,
- adding a new ring each year. - Yeah Ooh
They probably like it when they stretch 'em
Yeah
I know they do
Holy crap!
It's Saturday night and you guys are getting stiffies watching PBS?
- You're pathetic - Get out of my room, RJ!
You never knock!
Stupid
He's right, you know
- I mean, this is pathetic - What else are we gonna do?
It's not like we can actually get laid Let's just watch this
Unless we come up with a way
to build an artificial woman from your computer
And then program her to have sex with us
You're a genius!
This is stupid, Barry
Shut up
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Relax! We're gonna give her Halle Berry's face,
- and Beyonce's ass - All right
- Tyra's boobs - Bam!
Tyra's probably got bigger nipples than that
Now all that's left to do is make sure she's horny
Like really, really horny, though
See this pair of panties, right?
Where'd you get those from? They're lacy
All right Are you ready to lose your virginity?
- I'm ready - Say good-bye
Ow! I told you that was stupid, Barry
Be quiet, Leon I'm thinking
Oh, shit!
So, who gonna fuck me first!?
Him! Him!
What the hell just happened!?
The panties, they was my aunt's I knew it It was my aunt's panties
What you waitin' for? My pussy ain't gonna eat itself out
What? What you say?
Who would say that?
Where you goin?' Where you goin?'
Leon!
Well
I guess that means you first
No It don't... it don't have to mean that
Come give mama a taste of that sweet chocolate
What you talkin' about? Chocolate ain't sweet!
I'm your human sex toy, and I don't come with no Off button!
You don't even have to wear no jimmy hat!
Save your energy! I plan on Cumming a lot tonight!
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
You're too big for me!
Your ball sack is about to get drained!
Let me go! Please, Jesus!
You were good.
I don’t want no more I don't... I don’t want no more
No! I don’t want it!
You broke my bed
She's so big. Why is she so big?
I musta... I probably hit F1 instead of Enter I don't know
Here I come!
And this time your ass cherry is mine!
No, it's not! No, it's not!
It's my ass cherry! It's not yours!
Barry? Leon?
"Press Enter now?"
¶ Yeah ¶
¶ You're lookin' good, baby ¶
Whoa!
You're cute How old are you?
Old enough
¶ Ooh-whoo! Yeah, yeah ¶
¶ Here we go ¶
I know you're probably too young to be thinking about marriage,
but take it from me,
if you find somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with,
there's nothing better
Thanks, sweetie
But before you get married,
make sure you explore all your options, guys,
and bone as many chicks as you can
Well, ladies, be sure you take the long way through Dick-town, too
I banged at least fifty guys
before I met this asshole sitting next to me here
And a group of girls, too
It was no accident that I invited the electrician and the plumber
on the same day
- Ohh - Whoo-whoo! Real hot!
Guys, listen up
If you're planning on having a threesome,
you better to do it before you get married
But trust me, there's no better sensation
than two women making out while riding your Johnson
I almost forgot
Book yourself a ticket to...
Try sleeping with your fiancé's best man
and his brother
at the wedding reception
Very hot
Great
Ohh
Ooh, that's nice
Oh, why didn't I think of this before?
Oh, shit
Ohh! Ohh!
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
Honey, dinner's ready
Oh, my God Oh, my God
Oh, this is bad
Can you pass the mashed potatoes, please?
- Certainly - Thank you
Mm Everything is delicious, dear
Did you pick up your condoms for the prom?
Yeah, they gave them out for free at school today
They did? Yeah Thanks, though
Honey, is your vagina ringing?
Dad! That's ridiculous
Sounded like it
Okay, I think we've learned a lot here Class dismissed
I'll see ya all tomorrow
Now, remember your permission slips for the field trip
Now, these permission slips are no joke, people, okay?
Now if you can't find your parents,
they're in their bedroom, doing it
- He'd probably use the toys - Totally
Hey, Stacey Jess
- Hey - Hi
Uh, so listen, Stacey, um...
Mike, can I talk to you for a second?
- Later? - Yes
- Awesome - Okay
So, Mike,
how are things going with you and Stacy?
Oh, uh, great
You know, we're really good friends We...
Hey, hey! Don't bullshit a bull-shitter, bro
I know you're into Stacy You wanna rap about it?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know I like Stacy
- Hmm Hmm - A lot
What do I do? How do I tell her how I feel?
That's a good question
You don't
I don't?
No, you don't
You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy is, ooh, way out of your league
Way
What? What do you mean?
I thought you were all about breaking the rules
and there are no rules and we're all equal
I am Just not when it comes to you and Stacy
You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy, to get her,
boy, you'd need like a truckload of cough syrup
and a vat of malt liquor
Really mellow her out, you know what I mean?
But not knock her out That's a whole different class altogether
- What? - Mike
you need to go after something more attainable
You need to find somebody who's a lot less
pretty-err
You might have to go up a few weight classes...
a little more than you're comfortable with, probably...
buck-fifty, two bills... I'm not sure
Somebody who hasn't seen the light of day in quite a long time
Acne scars, fangs for teeth, bad hygiene,
- retarded, if you will - What!?
Hey, sometimes keepin' it real hurts, little bro
But in the end, we're all stronger people
Now go out there and get an ugly chick
Or a whore Good luck
Good talk
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Come on, guys
Flaccitra.
Mmm, this is nice, baby
Lindsey, relax Everybody farts
This is huge.
We've crossed the Fart Barrier
Really?
Ahh
See? It's nothin!'
I do feel comfortable with you
Damn!
Now, that's just nasty.
Oh, my God! Oh, yes!
Hey, man, she was riding you like a pogo stick! Up and down!
Hold on, hold on It gets better
- Wait for it - I'm gonna cum!
Now
Oh, my God!
Whoo
Let me introduce you to The Screamer
Griffin, this chick is amazing
Which is why I invited her over here today
Yes, sir
And we're gonna be right here to make sure you go through with it
Got your little sister's baby monitor hooked up in your room
And we're gonna have the other end right here so we can listen in
No Not happening, guys
- Not happening? - No
- Yes Yes - No No
Well, that's what you think
- Oh Too late - Oh, I love it!
Go ahead
- Hi, I'm... I'm Mike - Where's your room?
¶ Oh, my God ¶
¶ Oh, shit ¶
¶ Oh, my God ¶
¶ I can't believe this ¶
Come here
¶ Oh, shit ¶
Whoa, you're taking your shirt off immediately like that,
it's kinda tough for me to say no.
You hear that, man? The shirt just came off!
- It's on! - Oh, it is on, all right
Put it in me
Why... why don't I just grab some ear plugs real quick?
¶ Oh, my God, what should I do? ¶
Oh, hell no, man, is it broke?
What are you waiting for?
I'm sorry I...
I can't do this
What?
There's this girl in my high school, and I... I really like her
Great I didn't have a back-up plan
Now I've gotta go fuck a trucker or a cab driver or
a homeless guy
Do you possibly think that maybe you could go through the back door?
Just so you know you're givin' up a sure thing
Your friend said that you were desperate for it
Last chance
Man, all the settin' up we did, he better not be pussin' out
He's definitely pussing out
Let's go see what's going on with the dumb-ass
You like that, don't you?
Ha ha! We back in action! Oh, Mike!
Yeah, Mike! Whoo-hoo!
Man, you hear that?
Yeah!
Ride it! Ride it!
My boy's goin' strong to the hole, I'm tellin' ya!
- She's going nuts! - She wasn't that crazy with me
Ahem
Hi Have you guys seen my purse?
Oh, Mike! You're so big!
Ahh! Ahh! Oh, Mike, I've never been fucked so good!
Cover your ears! I'm about to cum!
I'm Cumming! I'm Cumming!
Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
Oh! Oh! You're such a beast!
I'm your big daddy
Mike, I'm... cover your ears!
Shh! Shh! Oh! Oh!
All right, home stretch
Oh, like that! Oh, like that! Oh, like that!
Oh, my God, oh, my God
I'm in love, Mike I love you
I love you, Mike
¶ Let them know you worked it, dust it off and jerk it ¶
So was it as good for you guys as it was for me?
You know, I would tell you to go fuck yourself,
but it sounds like you just did
Now, Suzy, I don't know how to tell you this,
so I'm just gonna come right out and say it.
Say it.
I've been sleeping with your mom.
- Hank, come on - What?
You know I made an abstinence pledge
I promised myself I'd wait until I was sure
it was with the right guy
I thought I was the right guy
You might be
I'm just not sure yet
But I like you a lot
Hi, sexually frustrated teenager!
I'm Blue Bally!
And if you and your girlfriend don't have sex soon,
you're gonna wind up with a serious case of blue-balls!
That's right! Your nuts are gonna turn blue
Aw, don't be afraid I'm here to help
You've been stiff as a board for the last two hours
That means you're reaching a critical moment
where that good tingly feeling down there
can quickly turn into an achy not-so-good feeling!
Wh... what do you mean?
See, Hank, right now your testicles are filled with semen,
and only a little bit's dripping out
That's called pre-cum
What you want to do is ejaculate
Otherwise, that back up of jizz will cause pressure in your nut sack
to the point of making you nauseous
In fact, your genitals can increase in size 25 to 50% That's huge!
- So, what do I do? - From where I'm sittin,'
even if your girlfriend won't have intercourse with you,
the least you should be able to do is to score a hand job
Judy?
L... I want you to know that I really do care about you
And I've known that since the first time I saw you in Bible Study class
Uh-huh
uh-huh
- Uh-oh That's not good - What do you mean?
With that kind of arousal, it's only a matter of seconds
before full-on irreversible blue balls!
You better go to the bathroom and jerk off, right now
- Here? - Yes! Go!
There's no time to waste!
Go! Get going! It's a medical emergency!
Oh, yeah, you won't see this on children's television!
Blue Bally!
Hope you like sloppy seconds! Hah!
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Man, I'm never gonna get laid I'm such a loser
No, you're not I met a girl in a chat room
- Did you? - Yeah
I met in her in Teen lonely boys
'Cause I figure I'm a teen and I'm lonely
Anyways, it's crazy,
there's not a lot of girls in that chat room
It's mostly older guys interested in photography
That's kind of creepy
It is at first, but, you know,
once I made it clear that I was a teen boy
in the market for a teen girl,
ladies were just coming out of the woodwork
And now I have a girlfriend Her name is Randy
Isn't that a guy's name?
It's both I...
I mean, she says she gets that all the time
- She send you a picture? - No Uh... but I sent her tons of mine
Most of them are naked It's awesome
Well, maybe I'll give it a try
And maybe if you're lucky someday, you'll have a Randy, just like me
"Sweeety Pi"
Accept
Hi.
Sex chat?
Sure.
Okay. I'm dressed in a tight mini-dress walking down a dark alley.
I'm completely alone and vulnerable.
Then you appear out of the shadows.
You wear all black, with a ski mask over your head.
You approach me menacingly and say?...
Hey, what's up.
Was that wrong?
Menacing.
Okay
What are you doing in my alley?
Oh, no. You stay away from me.
I'm lost, alone, and half-naked.
But I have Mace. Don't try and take advantage of me.
Okay, sorry, no problem. Do you need cab money?
Be aggressive. I want it.
Oh Weird
I'm afraid I don't care about Mace. Prepare to be attacked.
Sexually.
That was amazing. We should meet.
Come to 429 Covington Avenue, apartment 8,
tomorrow night at 10:00.
Wear a mask. Take me against my will.
Don't break character.
- Oh, hello, dear - Oh, hey, Jane
Doing anything special tonight?
Nope, just baking cookies for my niece
Oh
Just a second!
Did somebody order the rape?
Aaaah!
Whoo! Oooh!
So far so good
Uh, you can run but you can't hide
from forced sexual intercourse,
you know what I mean ma'am?
Get out!
God, be careful! You're gonna hurt me!
I mean, you won't be so feisty when I'm violating you
Sexually
I'm bleeding!
That won’t stop me!
No, you don't
Oh
I'm sorry, I'll pay for this
You stay back I'm warning you!
Uh, I'm scared, yeah, yeah I'm scared and...
Oh, my God!
What is it?! What is it!?
Oh, God! Oh, it's burning!
Aaaah!
Did somebody order the rape?
Fred
Oh Hey, Betty
- Hey - How's it goin?'
What's wrong?
Oh, it's just been kind of a crazy week
It's a long story, though
You know, Fred, I've been thinking
we've been friends for a really long time
Yeah Yeah, we have
Maybe it's time we take things to the next level
Next level?
Wow
Next level!
Hey, baby, this is for you.
I love you. You're the only one for me.
I hope you enjoy.
Kat, can I borrow a squirt of your herpes cream?
Uh, yeah, sure. I'll bring it over in a minute.
Ohh! Ow!
I'm not in Leave a message
Hey, girl, it's Billy Sharpe from the basketball team
Thanks for rockin' my world Talk about takin' it to the hole... damn!
Sorry about that.
Oh, shoot! Aaaah!
Nice titties!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
¶ Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby ¶
¶ Let me slop my biscuit in your gravy ¶
I'm gonna do it
I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it
I'm there I'm there I'm there I'm there
¶ Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby ¶
I wanna kiss your mouth
Mm, tastes like blueberry
So good...
Oh, God
Mmm
Hi
You look like you just saw a ghost
Um
I had a... a really bad dream
Oh, sweetie
It's okay
Come here
I had an amazing time last night
Oh l'm sorry
Do you have a toilet?
Oh Yeah, it's right over there
Ohh
Mmm long night
- Hello - Aaah!
Who the hell are you?
Why don't you ask your dick?
What is going on here?
- Relax, Len - How do you know my name?
Uh, I usually like to know the name of the guy
who's fucking my mouth
Nobody fucked anybody's mouth last night!
Fine Nobody fucked my mouth last night
And I guess
nobody was three knuckles deep in my sphincter, either
Jesus Christ, what were you doing,
reaching for, like, a winning lottery ticket or something?
I could feel you in my small intestines
Oh, look what the cat dragged in
- Do you have any matches? - Such diarrhea Ugh
I'll air that out All right?
What I need right now is for you to leave my house
My parents are coming home this afternoon
and I need to start cleaning up
Sorry Dick hair
Those weren't your parents we met last night?
My parents are in Cancun
Yeah Yeah Right.
If you say your parents aren't here,
then we'll just believe that your parents weren't here
Maybe it was your aunt and uncle
I don't care I came here to fuck
and get fucked.
And you know, I got fucked last night Fucked good
Okay Very funny
The, uh, the joke's over
This has been a delightful little prank that you guys have played on me,
but now it's time for you to respect my wishes
and please get the hell out of my house!
Yeah
You're right The whole thing was a prank
After we invited you for a threesome,
I got blueberry yogurt and I smeared it all over my face and your balls
to make it look like you fucked my mouth
And then I dig my fingers in my asshole
and put some of my butt stink on your hands
And then I put some moisturizer up on the ceiling
to make it look like you shoot a load up there
Pooh! Yeah! All a joke
Please just get the hell out
- Fine - Whatever
Please, just... just leave
Ooh So kind
If you say your parents aren't here,
then we'll just believe that your parents aren't here.
Maybe it was your aunt and uncle. Mm-hmm.
Oh thank God
Oh, please, God, don't let them be home
I swear I'll never drink again just... just don't let them be here
Hello
So, you guys are home early
Did you just get in?
How was your second honeymoon?
Oh! No!
Get the hell out of our sight
Okay
How could you!?
Ohh!
Len, can we talk?
Um, just a minute
What, you been doing a little spackling work on the ceiling?
Oh, God, Dad, no This... it's not...
Your mother and I are disgusted with you, Len
Well, uh...
Look at her
- You don't understand - Son,
I have one question for you, and I'm only gonna ask it once
Have you been sneaking behind our backs
and being on a hidden camera show?
- What? - Look over there
No No, no, no, no, no! You didn't!
They were in there the whole time?
Gotcha!
No!
Hey, buddy!
Fuck anybody in their mouth lately?
Look at his face!
How could you do this to me?
Wait Who am I?
We roofied you, honey
Wait, wait, wait... so I didn't fuck you
and you didn't fuck me?
Well, I fucked you a little, but it wasn’t all faggy
Mr. Tight Sphincter ha ha ha ha!
Mark
Fellas, personal advice from me to you:
Get in there and shave that shit up
Visually, it will give yourself an extra two or three inches
If you're having anal intercourse,
whatever you do,
pull out and deposit your sperm on her back
She'll appreciate it in the long run
Alcohol and sex don't mix
Cocaine and sex
If you don't have a rubber, don't panic, whatever you do
Watch this Ready?
"Hold on a sec, babe Lemme grab my jimmy hat"
And then pantomime
"Oh! It's so small! The rubber"
And then you lock and load
She'll never know
- Damn! - Oh, my God!
Ohh, what died?
Girl, you gotta stop being so comfortable!
- Hey, pretty sweet field trip, huh? - Yeah, it was cool
So, Stacy, I wanted to ask you something
Hey, man, I'm gonna catch you inside, all right?
- Uh - So what'd you want to tell me?
You know what, it can wait
Hey, man, fake any orgasms lately?
- Fuck off - What?
Ew
Are you okay?
Yeah
Why is that guy so tall?
Great Yeah, I should be okay
I'll just go try to clean up before we eat
- Uh, see you inside? - Okay
Sorry!
Guys
Can someone help me get off the bus?
Hello?
- Hello? Ah, there you are
Everybody's waiting for you Come on
Oh, yeah
- Oh, yeah - Oh
Licking, licking
- Oh! Oh! Suck, suck, suck!
Oh, yeah!
¶ Keep 'em shakin' ¶
¶ Show 'em to me ¶
¶ Tits ¶
Ohh, yeah!
That's it, Nance
Cut! Great job, girls
Nancy, nice licking
Very good sucking, too
- Okay, he's here - It's about time
Listen, I know it's your first day,
but we got some stuff to shoot, all right?
- Uh... wha... - Now, listen
The way I view this film,
it's a spiritual successor to Rebel Without A Cause...
only with a lot more fucking Ha ha!
Uh, right Um, you guys, I think there's been a small...
I'm really looking forward to working with you
Jackie and I are especially curious how you got the name Gigundo-cock
Oh, I can't wait to wrap my hands around
the biggest penis in the biz
"Penis"? I haven't heard that word for a long time
- I usually just call it "dinner" - Mmm
Okay, everybody on set!
I told you they wouldn’t have any beer
Oh, man, how was I supposed to know?
- Oh, man! Sweet car! Here's the scene:
You've just helped these girls fix their car
And so to repay you, you get to bang 'em
Now, Nancy right here, she's gonna start by blowing you
Then you're gonna do some back-door stuff with Jackie
Bro, check this out
After that, just feel free to improvise
All right
Hey, you gonna need a fluffer?
Uh... uh...
All rightie
let's see that gigundo-cock
And action!
Thank you so much for fixing our car
How can we ever repay you?
What?
- Cut! - Hey, sorry I'm late
I'm Gigundo-cock
Damn
¶ Yeah, I'm not Gigundo-cock ¶
¶ I'm just a small-town hick ¶
¶ An 18-year-old virgin ¶
¶ With a super-tiny dick ¶
¶ Kid, I've seen this once before ¶
¶ A boy who wished he was Ang Lee ¶
¶ Found he couldn't frame a shot ¶
¶ That's right, that little boy was me ¶
¶ It wasn’t my first choice ¶
¶ My parents think I'm in college ¶
¶ I thought I'd be doing theater ¶
¶ On Broadway ¶
¶ We're just accidentally ¶
¶ Incidentally, unintentionally making porn ¶
¶ Accidentally, incidentally, unintentionally ¶
¶ Making porn ¶
¶ Not me, I do it 'cause I fuckin' like it ¶
¶ Girl-on-girl pays fifty bucks ¶
¶ I get double for back-door fucks ¶
¶ How I got here I'll never know¶
¶ Beats Mexico and that donkey show¶
¶ All these tits got me in the mood ¶
¶ We're the ones who should be getting screwed ¶
¶ Let us be your man-whores ¶
¶ Will someone show these assholes the door? ¶
¶ I found my home here ¶
¶ On this porn set ¶
¶ Better hurry up or I won't stay wet ¶
Fuck yeah!
Wow Thanks for being so cool about everything
I feel like I should tell you, though,
I don't really think this is the life for me
You've got balls, kid
very large balls
You show that kind of confidence in real life,
you're gonna be fine, just fine
All right, let's reset
Back to one
Dude, what happened in there after we left?
Yo, bro, do you know those chicks?
Yeah, Mike! That's what I'm talkin' about!
Dude, yes!
Whoa
Look, Stacy
I'm not sexually experienced,
and I'm not some famous porn star named Gigundo-cock
Look, I'm just some regular kid who just wants to ask out a very
very beautiful girl
Don't call past 10:00
My dad'll kill me
Screw her for me, dude! Yes!
Fellas, you gotta be respectful of your ladies
Whatever you do, don't go around your boys telling them
all the gruesome details
But me, on the other hand, I'm married with two kids,
I like all dirty stuff
This website will go directly to me, and only me
Send me all pictures, streaming videos, letters...
as bizarre as you want
I'll read them all, and masturbate all night
Thank you I'm Matthew Lillard
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Little mama, come here and do me ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ The type that'll drive you looney ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty, pack it up and bring it to me ¶
¶ Smack it up, let's make a movie, she's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Shake that booty, cutie, up and down and all around ¶
¶ That big ol' juicy brown ass, Shorty, go to town ¶
¶ Kick it smooth like Luther Vandy, so good, like chewing candy ¶
¶ In the middle of M-I-ami, come and sit down on my jammy ¶
¶ We can do it in a big ol' bed ¶
¶ Long as you give me good ol' head ¶
¶ Yeah, girl, that's what I said, no, girl, you don't get no bread ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Little mama, come here and do me ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty, the type that'll drive you looney ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Pack it up and bring it to me ¶
¶ Smack it up, let's make a movie ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Shorty got that fat ass ¶
¶ Gets 'em harder than a math class ¶
¶ Smilin', don't you act up, just stop and back up ¶
¶ Go ahead and drop that ass low, be easy movin' that slow¶
¶ Nobody has to know, we in the corner, though ¶
¶ You sippin' champagne, I'm drinking cognac ¶
¶ You do that damn thing, I get to bone that ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Little mama, come here and do me ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ The type that'll drive you looney ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Pack it up and bring it to me ¶
¶ Smack it up, let's make a movie ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Shake that booty, sh-sh-shake, shake, shake ¶
¶ Up and down the stripper pole, got that body all swole ¶
¶ You know my package, right? You can stay the whole night ¶
¶ Lady, what you gotta do is keep me in the back of you ¶
¶ Nobody move you like I do, they call me Mr. Mac-a-do ¶
¶ They counted Tallahassee classic got 'em on my caddy ¶
¶ Girlie, let me be your daddy and we can both be happy ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Little mama, come here and do me ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ The type that'll drive you looney ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Pack it up and bring it to me ¶
¶ Smack it up, let's make a movie ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ My darling, the stars, they shine for you ¶
¶ My darling, the birds twitter for you ¶
¶ My darling, my heart skips a beat ¶
¶ Whenever I think of you ¶
¶ And under this moonlit sky ¶
¶ I pray and dream that I will be the one, will be the one ¶
¶ That you'll ¶
¶ Bend over and bang good and hard ¶
¶ From behind ¶
¶ Have me on all fours, howling at the sky ¶
¶ I'll give your cock a good long suck ¶
¶ Then you'll give me a good hard fuck ¶
¶ Squeeze my tits, all big and bouncy ¶
¶ Then spunk all over my body ¶
¶ I want to be your buttt-hot greasy slut ¶
¶ Greasy slut ¶
¶ Beggin' for more, for I can't get enough ¶
¶ Can't get enough ¶
¶ When I leave your tool ¶
¶ Used up, worn, and soggy ¶
¶ I won't stop then ¶
¶ Oh, no, no, no ¶
¶ I'll become your little leg-humping doggie ¶
¶ Let me be your dirty, fuckin' whore ¶